Monday, July 27, 2009

SO Impatient!

I'm using this space to rant for a minute, since I want to let off some steam, and nobody reads this thing anyway ;) If you are actually reading, this is mostly long and angsty, so feel free to skip it :P

Alex and I have been a couple for over 6 years. We've been friends for close to 12, and we've always known (ALWAYS) that we'd end up together. Before there were ever romantic feelings, we knew it. Don't know why, don't know how, but we did. Most of our friends knew it, too.

So why, after 12 years of knowing, after 6 years as a couple, is he being such a damn slacker about proposing? Aargh! I'm totally confident about his commitment, but I'm getting pretty damned impatient. What is he waiting for? We've discussed wedding plans. Hell, we've named our future kids. There's no question of me not saying yes. He knows this. It's not like engagement means we have to run out and get married tomorrow - with the length of time it takes to plan a wedding in Chicago, it'll be summer of 2011 before we manage a wedding. And since I hope to be teaching at the time, summer really is the ideal time for a wedding.

The longer it takes, the more frustrated I am. I've tried talking to him about it, but he's just stuck. The inertia has taken over, things are pretty good how they are, so why change? He wants the proposal to be perfect, the ring to be perfect, he's waiting for us to suddenly not be broke, lazy losers so we fit this strange ideal image, or something, and I do understand, and I've been very very patient. But it's TIME. The longer he waits, the worse it's gonna be when he does it. My reaction won't be "Squee! OMG! I'm getting married!!!!" It's gonna be "About fucking time!" Somehow, I don't think that fits into his picture of a perfect proposal.

Everywhere I look, people are getting engaged. Couples who have been together for a year, they're getting engaged. Women who I've seen go through four boyfriends in the few years I've known them are getting engaged. The women in my situation, who have been waiting for the stars to align or something, they're getting engaged. People I didn't even know were in relationships are getting engaged.

I was 20 when we started dating. I'm going to be 27 this year. Which means I'm going to be 28 or 29, if I'm lucky, when we get married. I've gone from barely out of my teens, to almost 30, and nothing has changed. No forward movement. I'm stagnating. And I've gotten to the point where, when people ask how long we've been together, there's a part of me that wants to lie through my teeth, and tell them a year. I feel like people look at me and think "poor girl. All that time, and she still thinks he's gonna propose one day...." I know it's not true, and I know none of my friends are actually thinking that, or anything like it, but I still feel like they are. It's embarassing. I feel like I'm being strung along, and when I bring it up to him, all I get is "be patient." Or maybe some cryptic reference to him having a plan. Well, guess what? It's been 6 years, and I've been pretty damn patient. I can't even make ultimatums, because it wouldn't work (he knows I'm not going anywhere), and because if it did, I'd feel like he agreed because I made him, not because he wanted to.

What a jerk. I don't know why I put up with this shit.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Mmmm.... Hashbrowns......

We've restarted the blog roll, so I'm going to pretend to blog again for awhile ;)

What's the farthest you have traveled for food? Did you fly across the country just so you could have the perfect bowl of clam chowder? Did you cross the state line just for a scoop of ice cream? What was it, how far did you travel, and was it worth it?

I have a good friend named Sonia, and she tends to be infectious - spend enough time with Sonia, and you start to see the world her way (I would like to warn my readers that extended Sonia exposure may lead to a weaker and weaker grasp of reality as Soniavision takes over). One of the most fascinating parts of seeing the world through Sonia's eyes is how much everything shrinks. Enjoyed that Jerry Cantrell show in Chicago? There's one in New Orleans in a couple weeks, it's just a short drive.....

I lived with Sonia for awhile in my late teens, and we did a lot of traveling. Most of our traveling had some purpose, but we also made a lot of really ridiculous trips. In many ways, they were the best ones. We drove from Chicago to Minneapolis to go to the Mall of America so we could visit Hot Topic. Seven hours to the largest mall in the country, and we visited one store. I did find a cool Rainbow Brite shirt. Luckily, there are now a number of Hot Topic stores in Chicago.

We drove to Long Grove, a distant suburb, for apple donuts (note to self - visit Long Grove this fall, now that you have a car!), and to Michigan three or four times for pancakes. But the longest we ever traveled for food was one bored New Years Eve night, when we decided we needed Waffle House, and we needed it NOW. Unfortunately, the closest Waffle House to Chicago is about 300 miles away. And Alex, who was also living with us at the time, had to work in the morning.

So, like the responsible adults we were, we managed to convince Alex to trust us, piled in the car, and headed to St. Louis. Not only was our breakfast delicious, but we made our waitress's day when we told her we drove in just for Waffle House. We raced back to the car, back to the city, and dropped Alex off at work with 13 minutes to spare.

I haven't had Waffle House in almost six years now (for the record, the one in Key Largo is not as good. Or maybe their grilled cheese just can't compete with their breakfasts). I wonder if Alex is up for a trip to St. Louis...